yesterday we went away

BECAUSE IM ASIAN, HAHA

yesterday we went bowling

it was nice actually ;D
but today i found out that bs ddn rele ask farah and dhe3 abt going t cc
- __ -
farah was quite disappointed that she ddn get t kno
mi credit was dead until like.. i charged people 10QR each, HAHA
[and iwan thot i was charging him 100 QR ]

and see see,,
bcz me and andin got bored at some time
we wer like, talking this talking that
then i went "what if i just roll the ball like how people roll balls to some dog?"
[i ddn say this, i demonstrated it]
she was like " u kno, once in indo me and mi prens saw this kid doing that, and th kid got straight strikes. then this pren's brother said "hey, lets do that"
and i was like "did he succeed?"
she was like ifrgot.
then i tried doing it when it was mi turn.
it worked.
HAHA.
*bcz i sucked at bowling that was mi only way

oh and ther wer a lot of gay legs that day.
u shud see,, how th longer legged people lk so gay
HAHAHAHA
bs took a lot of pictures of afdal's i thinkk,
it was th gayest leg ive ever seen
HAHAHA
indra and crisa wer kul u knoh.
they keep getting points
kihkih.

after bowling we went t th foodcourt rite,
i called lily ther, when i realised that she'd be awake at this time,
for a time, i was quite worried about her.
but stupid indra kept taking mi burger king supply after i only had a bite each
*bcz it was hot so he was waiting fr it t go colder for him
and in the end, since people wer taking th potato wedges,
i ddn eat.
curse u ndra yeh.
and u kno wats, in th compound, mi stomach problems came up again
and i end up eating bread from dhea frh's while we wer playing cards in the tennis court
HAHA .

People at bowling were:
Me Bs Crisa Cania Andin Hamzah Umar Khalid Ghabot Boey Afdal Indra Afif

2ndgoaway

BECAUSE IM ASIAN, HAHA

HAHA,
Why am I typing again?
Im not sure.

Hiahh, time pass by so quickly,ya?
The end of this year I will be over with
Maths, English2ndlanguage,Physics and Biology IGs.
But who knew,
that there's more to an ending?

Hah, this year I feel cramped
But in a way, I feel freedom
I feel busy
in a way that, I hav all the time in th world
There was always time to look at the sky and think ,
"oh. the sky's cloudy today"
I feel dumb
but in a way, I feel needed

LOL.

Anyway, I wish time wouldn pass so quickly
hiahh,, Im not ready to be separated from u people yet ,

goaway

BECAUSE IM ASIAN, HAHA

Hah, sorry for this entry
if it's too open to half of you XD
but yeah, as MD said , "nisa, you've matured!!"
XD XD i guess i hav t admit
some things HAVE changed in me i guess

So so so
Today Cania Crisa came t th compound.
Lalala, Sunday WAS a sleepy day for me,
as las nite i slept at 1.30 due to chatting and fnishing off mi DT h.w. and maths
So throughout the day,
yeahh, i just had mi "unhappy" mood swing

In the evening,
we went outside rite, t get some fresh air
Umar Hamzeh and Fajar also came out, eventually
Yeah , yeah, we talked abt a lot of stufs,
which i think ive frgotten now bcz i wasn rele concentrating i was sleepy
But at the end of the day, I joined Cania's conversation with Hamzah
talking abt moving to indo at th end of this year

He said he dsn want to ,
he dsn like the environment ther and all
I was quite slow to catch up really,
bcz although i seemed to be respondingg,,
I just realised how sad it will be .
LOL.

When he kept moaning abt Indo and all,
Of course, when someone's upset,
ur not supposed to be the one that makes th person feel worse,
or even make the issue harder
So yeahh , all i pretty much said was
"if ur not ready for sth, then just talk abt it with ur parents, at least u'll understand each other more, "
"heh, mayb its for the best"
Inside, I was like T_________T whyy,"

On the way to piano, I finally had a thought of the people whos leaving this year
Bs Fajar Iwan Umar Hamzah
Damn, thats like, everyone but dhea and farah
> ___ >
So many .
Why so many.

On Thursday,
I was alone all day ,
Dhea and Farah wer already in Paris back then
It was the first time,
that i felt nobody's home .
That's why when I heard that Cania Crisa and Bs went to villagio without me,
I was actually upset,
although i ddn want to show it, [imean wtf's th point HAHA]
but yeah,
Back then, I wondered why I was upset
One outing dsn rele mean a lot to me ,
Today I realised, it isn abt the one outing
It's how I've never rele felt separation before
.

I had mental breakdown again for 2 hrs straight.

i had a dream too :D :D

BECAUSE IM ASIAN, HAHA

This is actually an OOOOLD DREAM
i told a few people bfore
I can only rmember Bs and Hamzeh [i just told him2days ago tho]

See see
this dream contains :

Bs Me Arya Umar

Ok, sorry if th dream wont make sense t u hahaha
Note: th dream actually contains everybody here[indoprens], but only 4 became major in mi dream

So the dream starts here:
We all had invitations t visit this Al Khor family,
which only contains a husband and wife bcz their children already moved away [already married and all]
We ate ther and all, and the day was supposed t go on as a typical gathering
But all in a sudden ,
We wer reported that the husband was murdered
And since the wife is in shock and grief , the parents decided to stay over for a night

It was abt midnight
And everybody was asleep
Females slept upstairs
while males slept downstairs
But I was thirsty that nite
So I went downstairs in the dream
There, I found Umar, also drinking water
[idk how, but in the dream i had the right to open other people's fridges]
So I also took in a glass of milk
And Me and Umar ddn even face each other
Then Arya came
When he set in, I finally had th guts t talk
I was like "hey, lets find out who the murderer is"
and arya was like "okk,"
and i went "i'll tell bs abt it if u agree"
arya literally agreed
umar kept silent but we just kno that he does too

See see
While we wer talking,
we ddn kno that somebody would be awake too
the murderer was listening to our conversation

So so so
You kno how I used t hav continuous chores of hanging the clothes ?
Yeah, we ddn hav a drier machine las year
Wasn generous enough back then, XD XD

I told Bs abt it the next morning
And she was like "ok ten"

U knowhow in dreams, suddenly the setting changes? It changes right here

My mom told me to do mi chores again. And all in a sudden , the garage of the house becomes MI garage back at the compound.
There I was lstening t mi walkman phone
But after a while, I turned it off,
Only leaving the earphones in mi ears
But then I heard footsteps from behind
And I turned back t see who it was
It was one of the women from the house,
I was like "eh tante.."
but then i realised, that she was holding a knife
I was like o _____________ o
So i secretly pressed Arya's number into mi phone
[thats dumb, bcz back wen i had this dream , i ddn hav his number yet HAHA]
And I spoke through the speakers attached t mi earphones,
pretending i was talking t HER instead
"eh tante,, knapa k garasi? ko bawa" pisau?"
[ "eh auntie,, why ar u in th garage? and why ar u carrying a knife?" ]

The second Arya heard the word knife from his phone,
He immediately ran , taking umar with him , and ordering Bs to find the other parents
It wasn long until He came
He just jumped at her
Trying t get the knife away, but her hand was too wild
which in the end slashed past his cheek
and blood splattered on the wall
He moaned , feeling the pain ,
Everywher she moves her hand, it was dangerous for him t stop her

Meanwhile that, Umar moved quietly towards me and made me walk behind him to make sure I wasn near the woman
When finally Arya was weakened,
the woman ran away
and watf, instead of running far away to some unknown land,
we actually ran in circles,
but in the end, the setting changes again
it became mi old neighbourhood in Indo,
i used t live wher ther ar a lot of hills see,,
so mi compound used t be hills too HAHA
so running down was rather steep
And u kno, how SMALL I was wen i was young
So ther was this pit at the end of the hill,
which i used t find damn big
I dont thinkk It IS big,
I think it was only me,
I was only year 2 back thenn,
HAHA

So when we wer running downhill,
I was the first one t run after th murderer
And we fell into the pit bcz it was too wide for us to jump over
And I sprained mi ankle
The woman was alrite
Still, she had the knife gripped in her hand
And she was walking towards me ,
I struggled to move away from her, bcz it was such a bad fall
Arya, too terrified to react, he stood still, with his trauma on the knife
Before he could do anyth else, Umar jumped in ,

And *this is wher the dream gets too far, XD XD XD XD*
he jumped onto the murderer and smartly made her let go of the knife
It got thrown away somehow
He threw the knife away and quickly covered me away from the woman,
both of us slowly backing away
Arya phoned Bs or sth, t get some ropes on the way
Arya and Bs was funny in this dream , XD
Bs was so slow getting the ropes and all
So it took a long time until th parents and everyth came in
Arya was like "HAH, BI EEEEES" and sighed in exhaustion
Bs was like "hah, hah, " , clueless and innocent,


then i woke up

i hate worksheets

BECAUSE IM ASIAN, HAHA

Anyway, thats not the point.
So so so
We went to Saher's house on Wednesday rite
Waw it felt like a thursday
hiahahaha
once again.
I cried.
HIAHAHA
it was a positiv thing though
I was able to let sth out ive been keeping in for a few days or so
[ LOL i think it was only a few days, XD XD XD ]

But see see
I found out that this pren
whom I thought of as a horrible person
turns out t hav family problems
ckk. I felt guilty wen I heard that from Marsya
I thot shes just a miserable person
that hates her own country
Hiahh, lessons to you all
always believe thers sth behind the door
*watf , HAHAHHA SO LAME LOL
the point is,
believe in ur pren, that thers sth udont kno abt it

HAHA ucannot belive wat i came up with on Thursday
I was chatting with hamzehh rite
see see he was sick, pity him .
anyway,
so so so
i told him i told him abt it
then i came up with an idea
of giving her a real post card from mail
HAHAHHAHA
i sound so old fashioned rite HAHA
but but it signifies sth real see
but he was like "be inspirational to her"
i was like *___*
see see it mite be a DUMB idea t be thought of in these days
but wont be showing care be a nice thing?
even tho im nt sure if her problems ar ongoing or not
wer still her prens
or at least of wat she[that pren] considers "old pren" ?

But but
when i told afdal
he was less supportiv
cz see i started th conversation with sth like "how does the mail work?"
[bcz i was serious, hth does communicating works o __ o ]
then damn, he laughed at me so bad and called me an idiot
bcz i dont even kno her address, which city, etc.
and i dont even kno how th mail thing works
if shes guna hav t go t th post office t get her mail
or wherabout its guna cost
and all
HAHA

i told him once or twice, she told me i failed as a pren
so he was like he was like
"HAHAHA , bcz u failed as a pren i think u shud just go die instead"
HAHA, yeah funny, though offensiv
but in the end i WAS quite disappointed
bcz idk how society works with communication see
he told me its useless
and im not making it seem better either

i was like
O ________ O

u kno wats

BECAUSE IM ASIAN, HAHA

thankks fr the support ive been havingg u all

seriously,,
wen i saw the comment on mi previous entry i was like O __ O
i couldn even find th right word t say when i was chatting with lilyy

hiaaahh sometimes life become more complicated bfore i do
its usually th other way round see, HAHA
but yeah
it dsn bother me as much naw
now that i kno for definite i will always hav somebody to lean on,
i can just get things straight again ,simple rite? ;D
Sorry if i bothered u people on mi previous entry hehehehe

you like this

BECAUSE IM ASIAN, HAHA

Hiahh,,
okk so to the point
I wont be typing on mi blog for a time naw
cz anyway atm im in the phase of those weird feelings i dont get that i can only express in mi real diary

Yeah people, I keep a diary
HAHA
Well, it HAS been kinda long since ive written in it because usually I talk abt it with people
Especially when the people I usually rely on completely-and HAV relied on for a long time- arn available rite naw
[im nt talking abt school prens]
and anyway it's not so much on what's happened,
I dont think anything happened- I just cant put it in words hah,
But Im starting to get these lack of concentration and time management because of some things which ar continuously bothering me
I kno u'd think "nisa's too plain to bother with minor things"
HAHA, it's hard to keep it that way yeh,
humans , humans, ckck
So so so
ok

HAHA

i am i am

u knoh today
some 2 years old kid got locked up in th car and couldn get out bcz he ddn kno how
i was terrified t find that it took a hellmuch of time t get him out of ther

then after that mi mom reminded me of mi childhood
see see
i was very dumb.
I had a pren called Raka, ok?
You wana kno sth abt him? He was shorter than me ;D
But anyway, we were like, idk wat age.
And we went t mi room and all , and I locked the door
I wasn thinking why but i did.
And he was just going on with the flow and all .
We couldn unlock the door.

See, from this point on, you'd think we'd cry the hell out of ourselves yeh?
We diddn, I still dont get wat i was thinking
The parents panicked
They even nicked the maid next door HAHA
And it took long t break the fence that blocks mi window from the outer world
Mi mom said me en raka wer playing so harmonicly together,
i dont think we even realised that we couldv just be locked in ther for hours and hours
While the Raka's driver was trying to push out the fence
Me and Raka were waving to the people outside
So I'll say this now:
Children can be rele dumb.

understand me

BECAUSE IM ASIAN, HAHA

hiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa stupid fever stopped me from staying up late outside with the other people. i missed outdoor stay-up-lates. Look look, I can still hear those people's voices from here- aaahh its only 10.24pm !!

[ T_T,, ive been trying t lsten t music just t cover up their noises-which i couldn help t eavesdrop- but the music load suckss ]

... But yeah on the other side mi fever IS rising again. U kno ukno i ate kitkat which ochi gave me and it instantly gave me some head poisoning and i had t drink a hell load of water t ease the headache out. Waw u israeli companyy.

See see THIS isn mi whole point of writing this entry, but since im still warmed up from what happened just now and all I cant concentrate on mi main topic.
Lalalala, people came t mi house after school. I went t villagio first [so so i went t FFC.. then wen i came back home i prayed and all blah".. then i went t villagio] ,, and then i found indira en dasa at mi house. Not long later dhea came, then farah and, u kno, the order.
Blah" , we had singing practice, la la la la la , had some troubles with getting out of the house, blah blah blah then mi fever kinda got back on me again so i couldn play in freedom. and la la la in the end mi brother had to drag me into the house.









But that isn the point.
Ok so wat happened is.
I have realised.
How badly naive I em.
It sucks.

So so ,
u see u see,, mi dad isn someone who u can piss off easily.
It takes a series of misfortunate events t actually tick him off.
Damn, i ddn even realise how many times I did yesterday;
I was rele sickk on Tuesday rite?
On wednesday he was caring fr me, cz after school i kinda got sick again.
everytime he wanted t help me, i said no .
And i reject in a way that whatever he does dsn work
HAHA
At nite at abt 11 or sth
He brought me a heater along with the extension cable
Oh see I cant sleep with heaters on
They choke me, like, literally
hiaaaa so i told him no i dont need it
but he already turned it on
so i was like no no i'll be sweating which was an exaggeration
he sighed
then he was guna turn off the power from the cable stock,
i said no", that shudn be done, turn off the power from the heater first
he turned it off properly
then he went
then he closed th door in a way that he ddn rele do it fr th sake of me liking the door closed
i realised i hav pissed him off
O:

Then today at school
See",,
lily's most experienced in relationships rite?
I hav never experienced any tied relationship with boys
I never intended t hav any anyway
against the rules
But I saw han's photo today
and he lks rele cute on it O:
*ive frgotten how he lks NOW, but i rmember mi first impression
So i kept emphasising how cute he is
and said abt how she can like bag when she has han
[but no lily i dont think i said more than that, did i ? thats all i knew i was saying]
Turns out i went overboard
and she was sad on 2nd break
ckk
so so so
since i knew i was th reason she was being quiet because of me,
i asked saher abt it in art
i asked her, how to understand people
of course, she couldnt answer, i ddn expect one anyway, it was just mi question;
but she told me she can answer abt people's personality in the inside
That wasn too important- I know about people, I just dont kno how t react.
Then i told her
about how some people think that theyr rele close to me, but to me they arn. And u know what she answered? she told me she told me
that i am the kind of person shed expect t hav people like thatt
cz im rele open and honest and all
then i told her, how yeah,maybe i DO tell them sth of an incidentt, but then after that they think thats ALL i hav in mi life, mi life isn EMPTY u kno .
then she told me , yeahh ur rite , u shudn be too open to everyone- like her, she can only confess t rele close people, like me, and those other school prens.
I agreed to that- but u see the problem?
When u hav got used t sth, it becomes a part of u. In a way, thats the disadvantage (bcz see, it sometime hurts when that somebody laughs at you when ur in ur times of need instead of pitying you- which yeah,, happened) ,
but when u lk at the other side, I have a lot of friends to help me with things [cz seriously i always need someone t lean on,sorry] . And different people are reliable on different things. - _ - .. [dot dot dot]
so,, yeh, sorry lilyy hiahahha

-oh tanks fr th tips too saher i'll try t follow it HAHA

hiaaa im sick

BECAUSE IM ASIAN, HAHA

Ok so i was sick since Monday after school or sth .
So i missed school today hiahahha

i hate fevers, see I cant do much, cant even think much
It always started with a sore throat.
But see see i thinkk its bcz of the air thingy outside
It's been windy rite?
I DID hav a time when i was healthy in the evening. But when i went outside t get t th dentist th fever got back on me so i told mi mom im nt going t school.

hiaa wat am i going t do today im guna be so bored. ):
Well its nt as if im excited at school or anyth,
Gaza day sucks anyway watf
I just hope that i'll be completely healthy on wednesday muahahha
Fahrenheit rocks.

my famous ambition

BECAUSE IM ASIAN, HAHA

See see,
on Sunday i had piano rite,,
I sucked thatt nite,
and i had mental breakdown in the car
after that i thought miself "if i cant even survive in piano lessons how am i guna be able t help other people?"
After that i made miself an ambition it was like "IM GUNA SAVE THE WORLD"
And i was SERIOUS abt it , HAHA
But wen i got home, I got back into mi happy mood
and the ambition sounded like a joke in mi pm
See wat 2 of mi prens commented on it?

1st pren : no , I want to destroy the world
2nd pren : How can u save other people? Save urself first.
Me: I dont need saving !
2nd pren: .. Yeah,, you do . *referring abt mental problems

evil people u are.